Cracks in the Sky
by r2roswell
Summary: "I have a hard job Castle and having you around makes it a little more fun". The words felt so recent, so new but as she stared into the ether she knew it would no longer be true.
1. Prologue-How

**Author's Note:**

_1.) First I have to give major credit to CSImaja on youtube. When I watched a Castle vid that person made it immediately got me thinking of this story._

_2.) Either Castle/Caskett fans are going to hate me or not. I love the happy, fluff pieces as much as anyone but what made this story so interesting to write was because it was a challenge for me. It was in a relm I'm not used to writing in before. I've written about depression, I've written about cutting, but never have I written something like this. _

_You may smile, you may cry, you may have emotions anywhere in between but isn't that what great story telling is? When you can really get those emotions going and feel like nothing more than wanting to jump into the story and tell your characters that life will work out and that you'll be there for them despite whatever hell life puts them through?_

_3.) Onto the Story!_

* * *

**Prologue- How**

* * *

The lights in Detective Beckett's apartment were turned down low. There was an unopened bottle of wine on the table but that was the last thing she wanted right now so she just sat on her couch, a tissue in one hand, letting the tears run down her face.

How could this have happened she asked herself over and over again? Beckett played the past couple of days in her mind in a constant cycle. Wondering what it was she could have done differently, wondering what it was she could have said or done so that he could follow her voice back and come back to her. Her partners had gone over similar situations and like Beckett they knew there was nothing that she could have done differently.

Still there was that constant, stupid 'what if' question that had plagued her mind, taunting her as if there was some answer that she just wasn't seeing, an answer that would not be an answer at all but a pointless justification for why things had to happen the way they did.

Beckett shook her head and toyed with the ring on her finger. It had been only a week ago when she had gotten married and now it was over as if none of it had mattered.

There were no angels out there to make things better. Life wasn't like those fairytales where death could be cheated or brought back by the sound of a voice or true love's kiss. It was just life. There were no happy endings, at least not for her.

Beckett heard a knock on the door but she refused to open it. All she wanted was to be left alone, pretend somehow that she didn't exist in the world. Maybe then it would be easier, to simply drown in the darkness.

She heard the door unlock. There were only a few people that Beckett had given keys to. She knew it had been ridiculous to keep her apartment after she had gotten married but now she was more than grateful that she had decided to keep it since it gave her a safe haven whenever she needed to find some kind of escape from her life.

Martha stood near the counter as she watched her daughter-in-law but Beckett didn't turn to look. Martha had seen Beckett broken before but never like this. Casually the older woman walked over to the couch and let Beckett lean on her shoulder. Beckett hated this feeling of vulnerability, of being weak but she just couldn't hold back and Martha didn't want her to. She let the woman cry on her shoulder as long as she needed.

A few minutes later Beckett composed herself.

"I'm sorry Martha," Beckett said leaning to the side of the couch that she had occupied before Martha's arrival.

"Please dear, you have nothing to apologize for. This is hard on all of us."

Martha truly had no idea how right those words were. Beckett brought her arm up vertically on the arm rest, leaning her head.

"I'm pregnant," Beckett said finally saying the words that she had long kept to herself as more tears streamed down her face.

Martha remained silent and shocked for a couple seconds.

She then looked to the table. "Well that explains the unopened bottle of wine," she said. She then took Beckett's left hand. "How far along are you?"

"Six weeks. I was going to tell Rick when I was sure but I wasn't ready. We'd only been married for two weeks."

"Oh Kate, he knew, we all did." Beckett looked up at her mother-in-law, "You stopped drinking wine and coffee. Those made it pretty obvious and often times another mother just knows."

More tears streamed down Beckett's face. "What am I going to do Martha? I can't do this without him. Rick always wanted more kids but now…" she shook her head unsure of what to say next despite all of the thoughts and emotions raging in her head.

"We'll take this a step at a time," the older woman said with a sad smile. "Rick may be gone but you're still a Castle. We're still your family."

Beckett smiled at Martha's comfort and the older woman took Beckett in for another hug. A few tears streamed down Martha's face. It was a bittersweet moment knowing that she would be a grandmother again but also knowing that Richard would not get the chance to see his new son or daughter grow up.


	2. Learning to Breathe

**Chapter 1.) Learning to Breathe**

* * *

The ride in the elevator seemed to be a long one as Detective Beckett made her way to her squad. She had been away from work for a week. Beckett toyed with the wedding ring on her finger and prayed for some inner strength that she would make it through the day.

As she got off she could feel people staring at her. It wasn't like it had been before when she had come back from leave after being shot. This time was different as people didn't welcome her back with applause but rather with pity in their eyes. She didn't want their pity, didn't want them feeling sorry for her. She had lost her husband on the job, stuff like that happened to cops elsewhere across the country. What made her any different? She knew her thinking was cold but it was the only way she felt she could survive minute by minute. She shook her head. She knew what the difference was. The difference was that no one else had had civilians as their ride along partners. It was her job that had gotten him killed and she would have to deal with that some day despite people saying it wasn't her fault.

As she made her way to her desk she saw Castle's empty seat. She had to take a deep breath to control herself.

"Hey," said Esposito, "Haven't you all seen Detective Beckett before, let's get back to work."

The other cops did as they were told.

Esposito let out a small smile. "We got your back girl."

"Yeah," said Ryan. "If anyone's got a problem they're just going to have to deal with us."

Beckett smiled slightly at for all intent and purposes, her brothers. "Thanks you guys."

"We thought you'd be taking another few days off," said Esposito.

"I can't sit around those apartments any longer crying my eyes out. I just want to get back to work. Please tell me we've got a case."

"Afraid not," said Ryan. "The day you come back is the day the rest of the world decides to take a break."

"It won't be that way for long," said Beckett.

The boys knew she was right.

Beckett continued to look at Castle's chair.

"Do you need something," Esposito asked. "Can I get you a cup of coffee or something?"

Beckett looked up and slightly smiled, "It's okay I got it."

* * *

Beckett made her way to the break room. On the shelf were the cups she and Castle used. She had so many memories of him bringing coffee in her blue mug and him often using the NYPD mug.

She pulled down her mug and left Castle's where it was. She then bowed her head and closed her eyes.

"God I wish you were here," she whispered.

Absentmindedly Beckett filled her cup with hot water and then let a non-caffeinated tea bag seep a while. She leaned against the counter, eyes closed as she waited for her mug to warm up. Being back at the precinct had been a lot more difficult than she was expecting. If it was this hard now how could she expect to get through the rest of the day?

"Detective Beckett," said Gates.

Beckett opened her eyes to see her boss standing in the doorway.

"Welcome back."

"Thank you sir," Beckett said though her voice felt miles away.

Gates took a step toward Beckett as she sipped her tea.

"You know if there's anything you need Detective: more time off, someone to talk to, you can always come to me. No one expects you to jump right back into the swing of things."

Beckett nodded and smiled, "I'll be fine sir, but thank you."

"Yo," Esposito said coming into the break room. "We've got a fresh one."

Beckett took one last sip of her tea before tossing it in the sink. "Duty calls."

Captain Gates nodded and Beckett made her way out the door.


	3. Wish You Were Here

**Chapter 2.) Wish You Were Here**

* * *

Kate Beckett took her own car to the crime scene. She took a breath before getting out of the car to compose herself. As she made her way she could feel the stares on her. It wasn't that hard to figure out what people were thinking. For six years she and Castle had gone to crime scenes together, the two of them always having a cup of coffee in hand when they arrived.

Beckett hated at how much things had changed. She wanted more than anything to rewind the past and change it, she had wanted as much since she lost him but there was no going back, there would never be going back. The only thing she could do was focus on the case and the possible future that lay tucked away inside her abdomen.

The crime scene was at a high end condo on the top floor on the upper West Side. Their victim was a 42 year old male named Victor Benko, who had been stabbed multiple times along with a gunshot wound to the head in the living room.

As Detective Beckett stared at her vic she began to feel something she had never felt before: queasy.

"Yo Beckett, you okay?" Esposito asked.

Beckett tried her best to cover her mouth slowly but that didn't help. She didn't say anything as she excused herself to the restroom in the condo down the hall. Her sickness felt like it was going to be endless. All she wanted was to get back out to her crime scene and work her case but her stomach was having other ideas.

After another couple minutes, with everything expunged, Beckett looked at herself in the mirror and shook her head.

"I need you here Castle," she whispered to herself.

Beckett washed up once more and made her way out; glad she had decided to pack some breath mints in her jacket pocket.

"What happened," asked Esposito. "You've seen dead bodies before."

"It's nothing," Beckett said wanting to turn the subject to the investigation instead of her.

Lanie went back to describing the crime scene. She said she would have to run test results back at her morgue and that forensics would be running tests to see what kind of knife it had been that had stabbed their victim.

Beckett made her way over to the window where a bullet hole had pierced the glass. Beckett followed the trajectory which led to the victim's forehead. With so many roof tops it was difficult to pinpoint an exact location as to where the shot came from.

"Is this the shot that killed him," Beckett asked.

"It's difficult to determine," said Lanie, "considering that our guy here suffered around thirty two stab wounds. I won't know for sure until I get him on my table."

Beckett nodded. The view down was starting to make her a bit queasy so she backed away.

"Come on Castle, let's go talk to the mother and the son, maybe we could-,"

Her colleagues went silent as Beckett realized her mistake. It was one thing to be thinking of him, another to say his name out loud. Could anyone really blame her though? It was her first case since his death. She had worked cases without him before but this time was different because unlike previous times he was never coming back.

* * *

Back at the precinct Beckett sat at her desk with a fresh cup of tea. Though her computer screen was open to some work she wasn't focused on that. Instead she was focused on the picture of her and Castle that was taken during their engagement party. He wore a very expensive tux while she wore a slimming gold dress and gold bracelet. The two were smiling, her hand resting comfortably on his chest.

Her eyes then diverted to the empty chair beside the desk. It was the second time in the day that she had brought her focus to that spot, probably wouldn't be the last either.

"Hey," said Esposito, "The family's here."

Ryan looked at Beckett and then at Esposito then back to Beckett.

"You know what, its okay we got it," said Ryan.

Beckett straightened herself up and took another sip of her tea. "No it's fine, I can take it."

"You sure," Esposito asked.

"Yeah," Beckett replied. "Where are they?"

"In the family room," said Esposito.

Beckett took a breath and made her way to the family.

* * *

"Mrs. Benko," she began. "I'm Detective Kate Beckett I'm working your husband's case."

Holly stuck out her hand to the detective. "I'm Holly, this is my son Vincent."

"Vince," the seventeen year old corrected.

"I know this is a difficult time for you but I have to ask you a few questions."

Holly shook her head. "This is too surreal," she said. "I had just picked Vincent up from his father's this morning."

"You two were divorced?"

"Separated," said Holly.

"Might as well have been divorced," said Vince. "You and dad had your separate places for the past eight months."

"Vincent not now," Holly scolded.

"Why am I even here," said Vince. "I should be on a school field trip right now but you had to play mom and come and get me."

Beckett made a note in her pad to talk to the kid later since he seemed to have a lot of raging hostility. For now she got back on point.

"What is it your husband did for a living, Mrs. Banko?"

"He was a civil rights attorney," she answered, "Always fighting for the little guy."

"And what was the name of his firm?"

"Harvey, Banko, and Campbell," she said.

Beckett made a note.

"Do you know what he was working on?"

"Um just some closed cases. He wanted to exonerate those who had been wrongly convicted I think.

Beckett's insides turned but she kept her composure. "Mrs. Banko, I know this is hard but I have to ask, did your husband have any enemies, anyone who might want to kill him?"

"Sure I guess."

"Anyone or anything in particular that stands out?"

Holly blinked a little and diverted her eyes to the right for a quick moment before focusing them back on Beckett.

"Not that I know of no."

Beckett knew she was lying but the question now was why. She then looked at Vincent who clearly didn't believe his mom either. The boy knew something so now what she needed to do was separate the two.

Beckett got up from her seat. "If you'll excuse me a moment," she said to them, "Vince, why don't you come with me for a while?"

"What for," Holly asked nervous about why Detective Beckett wanted to split them up.

"I want to ask you a few more questions that are kind of personal. Don't worry Detectives Ryan and Esposito will look out for him.

Vince stood up, "It's okay mom besides if the detective is going to ask personal questions I really don't want to know. Mind if I get a coke or something," he asked.

"Sure."

Beckett opened the door. "Hey Ryan, get this young man a coke from the vending machine will you?"

"Sure."

Beckett then quickly sent a text to Ryan that read, 'Vince. He knows something. Talk to him.'

Ryan nodded. "So coke or Dr. Pepper," he asked.

"Sprite," Vince replied. "I don't drink caffeine."

Beckett turned her attention back to Holly, closing the door.

"I'm going to ask you again Mrs. Benko, were there any enemies of your husband that stood out?"

"I all ready told you there wasn't."

"Don't lie to me Mrs. Benko."

"I'm not lying."

"I've been doing this a long time so you can either continue to jerk me around or you can tell me what it is you're hiding but whatever it is I am going to find out."

* * *

Beckett placed her hand on her forehead while she sat at her desk. She had gotten nowhere with Holly Banko. The only thing she had managed was permission to obtain the threatening letters her husband had received that Holly had kept. They would arrive by late this afternoon.

Beckett looked up to see Ryan and Esposito come toward her.

"Did you get anywhere with the kid?" she asked.

"Quite a lot actually," Ryan replied. "Turns out Vince was a lot closer to his dad than he was with his mom. It's why he was so hostile in the room with you a while ago. His dad often told him about the cases he was working on, details that he and the mom often argued about- she wanted to shield Vince while Victor didn't want his son to grow up hiding from the world."

"Where's this going Ryan?" Beckett asked getting a little impatient.

"Right well there was some things that Victor didn't talk about with Vince but the kid heard certain things on occasion. One thing that Vince heard several times was the term, 'the dragon' being mentioned in what were some pretty heated conversations between his dad and someone else."

Beckett's insides turned again. Ryan and Esposito knew what it was she was thinking.

"Hey," said Esposito, "That term could mean a million different things. For all we know it could be some bad dude up in China Towne."

Beckett wanted to believe that logic but there was really no point. She shook her head. "What are the odds of that? Victor Benko was a civil rights attorney just like my mom. He was also investigating some old closed cases and just happened to be murdered, that can't be a coincidence."

Beckett stood up but had to steady herself on the desk from a dizzy spell.

Ryan was quick to reach out his hand in case.

"You okay Beckett? You haven't seemed like yourself today."

"I'm fine," Beckett said. It was a pointless use of words. Any time people used them you knew they were lying and that it was just a way to get people off your back but that's what she wanted right now.

She grabbed her jacket from her chair and made her way out not bothering to say anything to the boys until Esposito asked where she was headed.

"Just need some air," she called out.

* * *

Beckett fingered her wedding ring and with her right hand she fingered Castle's wedding ring which was on the chain next to her mothers. Engraved in her wedding ring was 'Ut chorus numquam finiendam' which translated to 'may the dance never end' and inside Castle's wedding ring it read 'Et non desinam in musica' which translated to 'and the music never stop'. Tears rolled down Beckett's face as she remembered those words. They were the dedication he had written to her in his last book, "Deadly Heat".

"I could really use your help on this one Castle," she said aloud over his gravesite. "I always wanted you by my side when I brought my mom's killer to justice and now I think I'm a step closer but it's not the same anymore. I need you here to tell me that it will be okay, that we'll get him. I need you to hold me, to take me some place safe when I know the only safe place there is is in your arms. God how I miss all of that stuff," she said to him despite her tears.

"It wasn't supposed to be this way. We were finally getting our happy ending. We were supposed to grow old and see our grandchildren and great grandchildren grow. I hate that some people get that happy ending but we don't.

Speaking of that I guess I should tell you that I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell you before but I wanted to be sure. I hate that I waited, I'm sorry. I know I have a choice to make but it's hard to think about anything permanent right now. If you were here this wouldn't be so hard. God I miss you Castle."

The sun began to set as Beckett continued to stay at the cemetery. After her visit with Castle she made her way to her mom.


	4. Lie in the Sound

**Chapter 3.) Lie in the Sound**

* * *

"Thanks for coming Dr. Parish," Martha said as Lanie stood in the doorway of the apartment the following day.

"Of course," said Lanie making her way inside while Martha shut the door behind her. "Where is she?"

"In the bedroom," Martha replied.

Lanie made her way to the door of the bedroom and opened it. She watched as her best friend sat broken on the floor, her back leaning against the bed. It pained her see Kate this way. She had heard from Esposito that she had taken the day off and called in sick. Javi had been adamant to leave Beckett alone but Lanie hadn't planned on doing that.

"It's all my fault, Lanie," Beckett said when Lanie sat down on her right side.

"What happened?" Lanie asked.

"I went to his grave after work yesterday. I just really needed him. It's all my fault," she said again.

"Don't do this to yourself Kate," said Lanie. "Castle knew what he was getting into when he signed on six years ago."

Beckett shook her head, not caring about the tears streaming down her face. "I treated him like any other cop. I treated him like my partner."

"Honey he was your partner, for better or for worse. It's what he wanted."

"It wasn't supposed to be this way Lanie. For so long I had been trying to get the nerve to tell him but I waited too long and now he's gone."

"Tell him what?"

Lanie knew the answer to the question. She had known from the moment Beckett had gotten sick at the crime scene but she decided it was best for her friend to let it out rather than being the one to say anything.

"Lanie, I'm pregnant."

"Oh honey," she said reaching over to hug her best friend.

Life had been so unfair to Kate Beckett. Having lost her mother at 19, now Kate was dealing with a situation that seemed more than she could handle. Now her own child would be faced to grow up without a parent. Hadn't Beckett sacrificed enough?

"It should have been me Lanie," Beckett cried into her friend's arms.

"Shh, it's going to be okay Kate."

"I need him Lanie," she confessed. "I need him so much."

Lanie softly ran her hands over Beckett's hair. "I know honey, I know. I'll help you get through this, we all will." Lanie took Beckett's hand and led her to the side of the bed. "Come here, what do you say to rest a little while and I'll see about getting you something to eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You may not be but at least take care of yourself for my niece or nephew though I'm really hoping for a niece."

Beckett only nodded and got into the bed. Lanie then left the room closing the door behind her.

* * *

"How's my mom?" Alexis asked.

"Beckett's always been tough," said Lanie. "She'll get through this."

"You really think so," asked Alexis. "It was one thing for her to lose her mom but now she's lost my dad. Can she ever come back from something like that?"

"It will take time," said Lanie, "but the good thing is she's got a family now. She doesn't have to go through any of this alone. How are you two doing," she asked.

Alexis looked at her grandmother and the two of them sighed. As hard as things were for Beckett things were also hard on them but they were handling it not so much as easier but differently. It had only been over a week since Castle's death and often times it hit them both in waves but never constant waves the way they seemed to be pounding Kate.

"Some days are better than others," Alexis confided. "I never really understood what my mom had to go through until now. It really sucks sometimes."

Martha patted Alexis' hand. "That it does kiddo. And no parent ever wants to outlive their child but no parent wants to die before they get the chance to really watch their kid grow up either." Martha looked at Lanie, "but you understand."

Lanie nodded, "The fine line between life and death. I see it more than I'd like."

"But you do it anyways," said Alexis. "Why?"

"Same reason Kate became a cop: she speaks for the victims, I speak for the dead who have lost their voice."

The three women remained silent for a moment until Lanie broke the silence.

"Martha, would you mind if I cooked? I told Beckett I would get her something to eat."

"Sure dear by all means. We all have to look after her, after each other."

"Can I help?" Alexis asked.

"I'd like that," Lanie replied.

The two of them began making their way around the kitchen mainly in another silence. About halfway through words were being spoken again.

"Do you think she'll keep the baby?"

"It's Castle's baby," said Lanie, "So I don't see how she couldn't."

"Yeah I know it's just that with dad gone… I don't know I just thought…."

* * *

"That I could change my mind?" Beckett asked.

Lanie, Alexis, and Martha all turned to see Beckett standing near the stairs. Alexis felt bad that she had even brought up the subject of the baby.

"You should be resting," said Lanie.

"It's kind of hard to do that when I'm starving," Beckett admitted.

"Well," said Martha coming to Beckett's side and cautiously ushering her toward the dining table. "At least let's get you off your feet."

"Martha I'm not that pregnant yet. My ankles aren't even swollen."

"Still can never be too cautious especially early on," the older woman replied.

Beckett took a seat.

"Alexis come here," she said to her step-daughter. Alexis walked over and took a seat next to Beckett. She then reached for her step-daughter's hands. "I want you to know something; I'm not going to terminate this pregnancy. It is going to be hard and I wish more than anything that Castle were here. He all ready has…had, more experience with raising a baby than I have and it would be so much easier if he were around but the unfortunate thing is he's not and it does suck for all of us but this life inside of me is part of him. It's part of your dad, it's part of Martha's son, it's part of my husband so there's no way I would be able to let that go okay?"

Alexis was smiling through her tears as she heard Beckett's words.

"Come here," Beckett said. Alexis went to Beckett and held onto her tightly. Now it was her turn to do the comforting, to be the mom that Alexis needed.

Beckett wasn't sure how but the family would get through this. In less than ten minutes she was certain of it. Less than ten minutes was all it had taken for her to make her decision though there was never any questioning on her part. Her friend had been right years ago when she accused her of wanting to make little Castle babies and now that she had despite the circumstances, she wasn't going to give that up.


	5. Sad Beautiful Tragic

**Chapter 4.) Sad Beautiful Tragic**

* * *

By Beckett's 8th week of pregnancy Martha had gone ahead and scheduled a doctor's appointment. Alexis was back at school, though still close by but she didn't come to the first appointment.

Dr. Erin Bouer did her introduction and then began her routine check that she did with all new patients, asking them questions, giving them information.

She then had Beckett lay back on the exam table.

"Will the father be joining us," Dr. Bouer asked.

Beckett sucked in a deep breath. "No, he died a couple weeks ago."

Dr. Bouer looked down at her file. "Oh Mrs. Castle I'm sorry I didn't realize you were _the_ Mrs. Castle, the one Rick Castle based Nikki Heat off of."

"It's fine," said Beckett.

"I was a big fan of your husband's work. I even got a few books signed for myself and my niece. I'm sorry about your loss."

"Thank you," Beckett replied.

Martha took hold of Beckett's hand and she was grateful for her mother-in-law's comfort.

"Okay," said Dr. Bouer, "this is going to be a bit cold."

Dr. Bouer lifted up Beckett's shirt to reveal her stomach where she then squeezed some blue gel. She then got the monitor set up and began to use the wand and rubbed it over the location of Beckett's womb.

They then heard the heartbeat. Beckett had never heard anything like it before and it sounded perfect.

"Huh, would you look at that," said Dr. Bouer.

"Is that the baby?" Beckett asked.

"Not baby, babies."

Beckett looked up at Martha and then at her doctor. "Babies, as in plural?"

Dr. Bouer smiled and turned the monitor. "See for yourself."

Beckett stared at the monitor in awe as a black and white image clearly showed two separate sacks in her uterus, both with a tiny little thing inside them.

"Well I'll be," said Martha, "Would you look at that!"

Beckett ran her hand through her hair, "Even in death Castle keeps surprising me."

Dr. Bouer smiled. "I'll make you some copies."

"Would you mind if I got three of them?" Beckett asked.

Dr. Bouer nodded. She had had requests like that before. Sometimes first time parents wanted as many as ten to give to friends and family.

"Not a problem," the doctor replied.

She first ran a towel over Beckett's abdomen to wipe off the gel and then excused herself to get the prints.

* * *

On the way home Beckett was still having a hard time processing what had just happened at the doctor's office. Though she had the evidence in hand it was still so surreal. Leave it to Castle to continue on surprising her. She rubbed one hand over the picture and the other over her stomach.

From the driver's seat Martha glanced over and smiled.

Beckett thought back to the day of Castle's funeral. It wasn't a memory she wanted to particularly think of but it was one that came anyways regardless of how hard she tried to push it away.

_Detective Beckett watched the small gathering at the cemetery. Out of respect she had gone ahead and worn her police uniform. It had been three years since she was last in this position, having stood at the podium for Montgomery's funeral._

_To her left were Martha, Alexis, Meredith and her father. As it circled around Lanie and her intimate family from the 12th Precinct were also in attendance including Captain Gates, her family and Ryan's wife. Among other guests were Castle's publisher, Gina, and the mayor._

_The public had had a ceremony a couple of days ago but the funeral itself was for immediate friends and family only._

_"I've been trying to think of the rights words to say," Beckett began, "but words somehow seem inadequate when you're talking about a famous writer._

_Castle once told me that I was a mystery he was never going to solve. Truth is he was part of that mystery. Every day he'd bring me a cup of coffee just to see a smile on my face and every day I'd wonder just what it was he was going to do that day to surprise me."_

_She shook her head and thought to herself, there would be no more surprises._

_"People were right," she began again after giving herself a moment. "Castle did make my job better, he made it more fun and more importantly he made me feel alive again which was something I hadn't felt in a long time."_

_Beckett looked to the grave, to the sky and then shook her head._

_"I wish you were here Castle, God knows I do. This job isn't going to be the same without you. My life isn't going to be the same without you. You were everything to me and I loved you. I will always love you but right now you're probably looking down and laughing your ass off."_

_She looked to the group._

_"Castle wouldn't want us to be mourning his life; he'd want us to be celebrating it. So that's what we're going to do Castle, as hard as that may be: we're going to laugh at all the times you made us laugh, we're going to smile at all the times you drove us crazy, we're going to adore how you treated your family with admiration, and we're going to love how you loved."_

_Beckett reached down in a bag she had brought with her. She then stepped over to the side of the grave. In her hand was Castle's 'writer' police vest. She ran her hand across the name and then gently placed it over the center of the burgundy casket._

When they arrived home Martha went to place her copy of the babies' first photo on the fridge. When she turned around she saw that Beckett still had the door open and was hesitating.

"Go ahead Katherine, go tell him," she said with a smile.

Beckett smiled grateful to Martha's understanding and knowing where she wanted to go without having to say a word.

* * *

Again as Beckett toyed with her ring while she sat in the grass she looked at Castle's gravestone.

"Twice in less than a week," she said to him. "All ready I'm starting to set new records for myself. Things keep changing Castle and I just need someone to talk to. It probably makes no sense talking to a ghost. You'd probably insert one of your crazed conspiracy theories right about now but I could really use one."

She then looked and smiled, "Twins Castle, seriously? If they were identical twins I could blame myself- one egg separating and all that. At least that's what I remember from health class but this is on you Rick. You just have to do things over the top don't you?" she said with a laugh as she shook her head.

"How am I supposed to do this Castle? How are our children supposed to grow up without a father? And you better not be making any jokes about me finding someone else because I won't, I don't want to. And don't you say not now either. It only took me one try to find the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, third time was the charm for you. We were supposed to have more kids together, you and me. You were supposed to watch Alexis graduate from college, walk her down the aisle as she got married, hopefully just the one time. I'm so sorry Castle but you know that. I just hope I can be half the parent that you were to Alexis."

Beckett smiled through her tears, "I mean that. Every time I saw you with her or the way you talked about Alexis I was in complete admiration. I really thought we'd get that chance with our kid or kids rather. Why did it have to be this way Castle, why couldn't I save you?"

Beckett let herself cry for a moment before she pulled out the picture from her coat pocket.

"I thought you'd like to see your babies," she said placing the picture in front of her. "You did this so they'd better have your looks."

She continued to talk away until it started to get late.

"I'll save the picture for you," she said placing it back in her coat and standing up. She then kissed her hand and placed it on the gravestone. "I love you Rick."


	6. Black Flies

**Chapter 5. ) Black Flies**

* * *

There was no time to hide in a cave. Beckett had all ready taken a day off a couple weeks ago and then yesterday for her doctor's appointment.

After she had gotten home from visiting Castle, Alexis had been there to greet her with a huge hug after having seen the sonogram picture on the fridge.

By the next morning Beckett had noticed her pouch begin to form. It was like her belly had grown overnight. It made her a bit uncomfortable despite the awe she felt seeing herself in the mirror. In the closet she was able to find some loose fitted clothing. Seeing herself in the mirror, it was clear that she had put on some weight and people were bound to notice, especially give the skinny 5'9" woman that she was. It wasn't like high school where a teenager could hide her pregnancy behind an abundance of clothing. She would just have to deal with it.

* * *

Now at her desk Beckett's eyes drifted shut as she had been spending the past half hour going through some notes. They were still nowhere on Benko's shooter.

As she drifted off she had imagined Castle in the exam room instead of Martha. What she wouldn't give to actually see the expression on his face as they listened to the two tiny heartbeats and see them on the monitor.

"Yo Beckett," Esposito said waking her up.

Beckett shook her head. "Sorry Espo."

"Don't worry about it. You okay?"

Beckett wiped away her tears. She knew they were tears from dreaming of Castle but she shrugged it off as part of her sleep. Damn her hormones and messed up emotional state.

"Couldn't sleep last night," she answered. She changed the subject before Esposito could pry. "Where are we on the Benko case?"

"Forensics is still trying to narrow down the knife used on our vic. They're confident though that it was some high grade military knife and there's a problem with ballistics."

"What kind of problem?"

"Lanie wouldn't say just that she wanted you to take a look."

Beckett brought a hand to her nose.

"God Ryan is that your cologne?"

Ryan sniffed himself. "Jenny thinks it's sexy."

Esposito shook his head, "Bro the things you go through to please your wife."

"It smells like sulfur and salmon," Beckett replied.

She didn't even bother to excuse herself form the boys. She wasn't sure what she had to do more: throw up or pee. Both were literally kicking at her pretty hard.

"Dude," asked Esposito when Beckett was gone, "What's her deal? She's all over the place."

Ryan thought for a moment and then said, "Huh."

"What huh?"

"No," said Ryan, "It can't be can it?"

"What are you talking about bro?"

"Dude I think she's pregnant."

"Beckett, no way."

"You clearly haven't been around pregnant women before: the constant breaks, the snacking habits, sleeping on the job. None of those things are things Beckett would do unless…"

Javi's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "That sly bastard," he said speaking of Castle. He then turned serious. "Well what should we do?"

"Wait for her to tell us I guess but we should probably tell Gates."

"Are you out of your mind?"

Ryan brought his tone to a whisper. "You know as well as I do that she'll run a ground if she's not careful. At least Gates can try to keep her under control and prevent her from doing anything reckless." Ryan gave Javi a look and then added, "This isn't just about Beckett anymore, it's about the kid. We're her brothers, we have to protect them both. It's what Castle would expect."

Esposito could only nod at his friend's reasoning and the two made their way to Gate's office.

When Beckett returned a couple minutes later Ryan was getting off the phone.

"Just got another one up town," he said. "Pullmutter thinks our victims may be connected. Same GSW to the head, same number of stab wounds."

"Would you guys mind checking out," Beckett asked, "I want to check in with Lanie and see what she has."

"No problem," said Esposito, "We got this one."

"Thanks and Javi, lose the gri, it's just another murder, not something to get excited about."

"Right," Esposito said.

When Beckett grabbed her things and made her leave, Ryan shoved Javi.

* * *

"Hey Lanie, what do you have for me?" Beckett asked.

Lanie looked at her friend and she looked pale but not in the sickly kind of way more in the way people acted when they were shocked by something.

"What happened now and spare no details."

"Can we talk about me later? What do you have on my vic?"

"Fine business first but then we're getting back on the subject of you." She looked down at her victim who was covered with a sheet. "It's not good." She then hesitated. "Are you sure you can do this, you look like you're about to faint or something."

"I'm fine Lanie show me what you've got."

"Well I'm still waiting on forensics for the knife but I did find something interesting." She pulled back the sheet to reveal the victims face. "There were two bullet holes, one close range and one long range to make it look like the close range was the one that killed him."

Beckett looked at her friend. "Two, are you sure?"

"Positive."

Beckett's heart began to race. This could not be happening again. When Pullmutter had done the autopsy on Castle he had found the same thing though Castle's had been chest wounds, not head shots like the victim lying on the table so it wasn't an instant kill.

"Come here, sit down," Lanie said taking Beckett to a stool in the room. She then left the room and returned with a bottle of water which Beckett slowly sipped.

Beckett thought back to that terrible moment the day Castle died.

_"You don't get to do this," Beckett said as she performed CPR on her husband._

_They, along with Esposito, Ryan, Gates, and a tactical team had all converged on a high rise apartment on the upper West side of town, closing in on their suspect. The apartment had been cleared but with little light they had no time to react as a shot rang through the living room window. Each had been wearing their vests but somehow the bullet's penetrated, a through and through shot near Castle's sternum._

_"You don't get to leave me!" Beckett yelled and cried as she continued the CPR. "Wake up Castle! Come on, come on!" She brought her tone to a whisper. "Come back to me Castle," she said with more CPR but as she breathed into him she let her lips linger, kissing him, for a moment wanting to believe in childhood fairytales and true love's kiss. "Please, come back to me. We need you. Please god, not like this. Not like this."_

_After another forty minutes Captain Gates came and placed a hand on the detective's blood soaked hands._

_"He's gone Detective Beckett," she said softly._

_"He is not gone," said Beckett still trying to perform CPR. "Damn it Castle, wake up!"_

_Gates looked at her two other detectives. Ryan and Esposito came over and pulled Beckett away._

_"No!" Beckett cried out not wanting to leave her husband's side._

_She clung to Esposito desperately. The man, whom she had always viewed as a younger brother held her tightly. Over her shoulder he could see Ryan trying to hold back his tears but he couldn't. Not only had Beckett lost a husband, they had lost their brother-in-law._

"This can't be a coincidence Lanie. My mom was stabbed. Castle was shot twice. Whoever is doing this is mixing the two methods together so we can think they're not connected."

"Probably and if they are connected you'll find the person responsible."

"Castle deserves justice Lanie. I can't go ten years without knowing who killed him. I don't think I'll be able to handle it this time."

Lanie placed a hand on her friend's shoulder. "Well then I guess we're just going to have to be best friends for the rest of our lives until you do catch him."

Beckett took another sip and then stood up. "Thanks Lanie," she said making her way to the door.

"Hold up," said the M.E.

"What?"

"Don't 'what me'. We haven't talked about you yet."

"Maybe later."

"No now. Kate you just found out your murder victim might be connected to Castle's case so whatever news you have might be good to share so whatever it is spill."

Leave it to Lanie Beckett thought. Her best friend was right. After a rough morning of morning sickness and then this newly discovered information some good news needed to be discussed.

"It's Castle's fault," Beckett said being cryptic.

"What is?"

Beckett pointed down to her stomach.

"Um honey, I'm pretty sure it takes two to tango."

"That's not what I mean."

"Okay…" Lanie said unsure of where the conversation was going.

"It's better if I show you."

Beckett pulled out the photo of her babies that she had laminated.

"It's my first sonogram picture."

"Oh girl lemme see."

Beckett handed the photo to Lanie. The same look that Beckett had earlier when she walked in was now the look on her best friend's face.

"Twins," Lanie said after another couple of minutes. She then looked up at Beckett. "You're having twins."

Beckett could only smile. Lanie knew from her anatomy that two separate sacks in Beckett's uterus means that two sperm had mingled with two of Beckett's eggs.

"Damn girl, even in death he has to show off doesn't he?"

Beckett laughed, "I thought the same thing."

Lanie hugged her best friend. "Oh congratulations, honey. How are you handling this?" she asked handing back the photo. Beckett placed the picture back in her pocket.

"I'm in denial."

Lanie laughed too. "I would be too. If Javi or any guy gives me twins I'm gonna smack them."

Before the two women could talk more about Beckett's pregnancy, her cell phone rang.

After a couple minutes she hung up. "That was Ryan. He confirmed the second vic matches our one here. They're bringing in the husband and a co-worker right now."

Lanie nodded and Beckett made her leave.

* * *

Back at the precinct Beckett had done her interview with the husband, Jackson Lynn, of the latest victim Sasha Lynn, 45. She often hated the cases that involved a father and daughter who had lost their wife and mother since they were very relatable. Now, unfortunately, she could understand the other side of things, being a widow who had lost a husband and father of her children.

One of the last things Jackson Lynn asked before Beckett made her exit was, "Detective you've probably had a lot of experience with this. How do I tell my little girl, what do I tell her when she asks why her momma's never coming home again?"

His daughter was only eight.

Beckett took Jackson's hand in a sympathetic gesture. "You tell her that her mom was trying to get the good guys out of jail. You tell her that the bad guys didn't want that but she wanted to help anyways so she could be a force for good. And if she asks why the good guys were put in jail in the first place you tell them that the police and the attorneys are human too and that the make mistakes. You tell her that her mom loved her very much."

Jackson nodded and let out a small smile. "Thank you Detective Beckett."

Beckett nodded and left the room making her way to her desk. When she got there, there was a steaming fresh cup of tea in her blue mug. For a quick second she thought Castle had surprised her with it.

"Figured you could use it to help you relax."

Beckett heard those words in Castle's voice but logic was telling her it was Esposito.

She took a seat and smiled at Espo, folding her arms under her head, feeling the fatigue from the day.

"Lanie told me what happened at the morgue," he said to her.

Beckett quickly shot him a look and returned to a more formal sitting position.

"About there being two shots in the same place," Esposito added, "Why what'd you think I was talking about?"

Beckett shook her head, "Nothing."

"Kate, we're going to get the son of a bitch who killed Castle. Ryan and I won't rest until we do. You should though. You look like you could use it."

"Thanks Javi but I'm fine, really."

Beckett took a sip of her tea. There was an added hint of mint. It tasted pretty good but it would be better if there was a mix of chocolate in it. She thought that craving was strange but she shook it out of her head simply enjoying the cup Esposito had brought for her. She then looked over at Ryan's desk.

"Ryan, did you get anywhere with the co-worker?"

"Quite a lot actually," Ryan said making his way over. "Greg Lawson is a talker. He was an associate of Sasha's and the one term that kept coming up was 'the dragon'."

"Okay so we know Senator Bracken is behind this latest string of murders but we can't tie him directly to any of them.

"So then we go after his hired guns," said Esposito. "A guy with that much power always has someone to do his dirty work."

* * *

A couple of days later as Beckett was at her desk, Gates called her from outside her office.

"Detective Beckett."

"Look into it," Beckett said to Ryan and Esposito.

They were closing in on one of the shooters, the shooter from the Lynn murder. He had been easier to find than the previous and now they had a third victim on their hands. 48 year old Morgan Stevens, also a civil rights attorney who worked with Lynn and Benko, had been murdered behind a diner after visiting with a client.

"I've waited too long," she said. "I want their asses nailed to the wall."

"Have a seat Detective," Gates said once Beckett closed the door.

"I'm fine sir."

"Very well, I just thought you'd be more comfortable."

'Sir, what's this about?"

"I want you to back off the Benko, Lynn, and Stevens' murders."

"Sir, we're just closing in on one of the suspects. I can't back off now."

"I know where you are detective. Ryan and Esposito filled me in. Not only are they looking into the main shooter, they're also looking into the person who hired them to kill those people. They say it's most likely this 'Dragon'. What you all failed to mention was who this Dragon was. When I put you on Senator Bracken's detail last year you failed to mention anything."

Now Beckett felt the need to sit down.

"How did you know that sir?"

"I was a detective long before I became a captain."

Beckett nodded. "I'm doing my job sir. I'm not going after Bracken until I have solid evidence."

"And I appreciate your restraint Detective Beckett but I'm looking at the bigger picture right now."

"What bigger picture is there other than bringing the man responsible for my mother and husband's death to justice?'

"Your safety detective," said Gates, "and just as important, that of your child."

Beckett's face turned to shock.

"Sir?"

Gates looked at the door. "You boys can stop lurking, I know you're listening."

Beckett stood up as Ryan and Esposito came into the room.

"You guys know?" She turned to Gates. "You all know?"

Ryan shrugged, "I recognized the signs because Jenny's gone through the same thing."

"And I do have children of my own detective," said Gates. "You can understand now why I want you to take it easy on this case and all your cases here on end."

Beckett smiled. "Yes sir."

"We'll get justice for Castle," said Esposito, "Don't you worry about that. We won't let your kid grow up the way you did with not knowing."

"Yeah," said Ryan, "No one's gonna mess with Castle's kid. Not if we have anything to say about it."

Beckett nodded her thanks. "Yeah about that- now that my secret is out I guess there's something more that I should tell you all."

"What more could there be," Esposito asked.

Beckett looked at her friends and her boss. She bit the inside of her lip for a second.

"I found out yesterday that I'm having twins."

"Son of a bitch," said Ryan.

"Well congratulations Detective Beckett," said Gates. "Guess Mr. Castle continues to surprise us all even now."

"Yes sir he does," replied Beckett.

"Well I can trust you'll be extra careful then since you're in charge of two little ones."

"Yes sir."

"Don't worry captain," said Esposito, "We've got her back."

"I trust that you do," said Gates.


	7. Once

**Chapter 6.) Once**

* * *

It amazed Beckett at how quickly her body changed in just two weeks.

Now in her tenth week she really was starting to look pregnant. She rummaged through her clothes but nothing fit anymore. She wasn't ready to admit it to herself, the time had gone too fast as she was now in her third month but what she was ready for mentally and what her body was telling her were two completely different things.

Beckett walked over to Castle's side of the closet. She was a little glad she had still kept most of his things. She pulled down a pair of his jeans which she fashioned with a belt. Not even her own shirts were fitting so she pulled one of his button-down shirts as well, a blue one that he always favored. Beckett inhaled the scent. It still smelled like him. Tears began but just as quickly as they had come she quickly wiped them away. She hated this mixture of grief and hormones.

As she dressed she wondered how long it would be till her feet swelled and she needed new shoes.

"Martha," she said coming into the kitchen.

Martha who was all ready placing breakfast on the table looked up to see Kate in her son's clothing.

"Oh my," she said with a smile. "I was starting to wonder how long it would be until you needed to hit the maternity line. Come sit and eat something and then we'll go shopping after."

Beckett took a seat at the dining table.

"Martha, I can't. We're closing in on some suspects-,"

"Which I'm sure the other fine detectives can handle without you. Your priorities are changing now Katherine. Embrace it."

"I suppose," Beckett said her tone softening. "This whole thing would be a lot more exciting if Castle were here. I keep picturing him turning into that man-child that I feel in love with- his joy over new adventures, him with me at every doctor's appointment, him going crazy over all of the baby stuff at the stores like clothes and toys. We should have been experiencing together. I never imagined I'd be a single mother."

"Oh honey I know," Martha said placing a hand on Kate's as tears ran down her daughter-in-law's face.

Beckett wiped away her tears. "I'm sorry I'm just all over the place."

"Perfectly understandable. You're walking a fine line Kate, we all are. Here we're still mourning Richard's death but at the same time we're embracing these two new little lives." Her tone brightened. "Well now we really need a woman's day out."

Martha began to ramble on about some maternity stores. Beckett tried to listen and even smile but all her mind could focus on were Castle and her case.

* * *

"Is it always this awkward for new mothers," Beckett asked as she and Martha browsed a section of clothing at Rosie Pope Maternity on Madison Avenue.

Beckett didn't like how big everything was and how the clothing fit. She kind of wanted to be that teenage girl who didn't have a job and could hide her pregnancy with loose fitting clothing without her pregnant belly protruding too much for anyone to notice.

"Sometimes," said Martha. "Some find it uncomfortable, others can't wait."

"Which one was it like for you?"

"Oh I embraced it completely but of course with my personality can you blame me?"

Beckett laughed. She loved Martha but the two were completely opposite. Whereas Martha was more open and carefree, she was more reserved and didn't like to make a big deal of things even if they put her at the center of attention.

Halfway in the day Martha and Beckett had gone to several other stores within the Madison Avenue area. By the second store Beckett was slightly warming up to the whole thing but then a young perky blonde whose job it was to assist tossed Beckett's slightly pleasant mood out the window.

"Aw is this your first?" she asked seeing Beckett's hesitation when touching the clothes. "When are you due? I can't wait to have kids of my own someday, just waiting around for mister right you know? Can I help you with anything?"

Beckett ignored the girl's previous questions. "Do you have anything that isn't so frilly? You know, less ruffles, more tough-chick, less pregnant princess?"

"Oh," said the worker.

Beckett knew that 'oh'. It was one she had heard some people use when the topic of gay and lesbians came up during interviews in her job.

"I'm not gay."

"I didn't say you were."

Beckett pulled out her badge. "I'm a cop. Frilly clothes don't exactly fit in the job description."

"Okay I'll go see what I have," the girl said leaving.

"Someone's been inhaling too many maternity clothes."

A while later the girl returned with some clothes that satisfied Beckett.

* * *

"Beckett," she answered as she and Martha were putting the bags from their shopping trip on her bed.

Her face went grim as she listened to Ryan tell her that they had caught Sasha Lynn's killer but that the only detective she would talk to was her.

"Okay, I'm on my way," she said hanging up.

"Back to work," Martha asked.

"They caught the suspect of one of my victims. She'll only speak to me."

"She?" Martha said sounding somewhat shocked.

"Afraid so," said Beckett. She then looked at the bags and back at Martha. "Thanks for this Martha. You were right, strangely enough the shopping trip was exactly what I needed."

Martha hugged her daughter-in-law. "You don't have to thank me dear, I just want you to be comfortable."

* * *

"Nice outfit," Esposito said when Beckett arrived at the precinct after she draped her coat over her desk chair.

She was wearing a burgundy button down shirt that caressed her growing belly and fit snuggly over her waist and some maternity jeans much like the clothes she normally wore except these now fit her changing form.

"Shut up," she said jokingly, "Where's our perp?"

Esposito handed her a cup of tea and a folder which Beckett looked over.

"Regan McAlister," Beckett said as she walked into the room and took a seat. "You've got quite a rap sheet. Several B&E's as a juvenile but those were expunged. Entered the Marines but given a dishonorable discharge. From there you seem to have graduated to attempted murder. What, the Marines have too much rules for you to follow?" Regan remained silent. "I understand you wouldn't speak to the other detectives except for me, why is that?"

Regan gave Beckett a look over.

"Huh," she said, "You're not exactly what I was expecting but then he didn't tell me you were knocked up."

Beckett looked focused. She had played games with suspects before. Some of them could push her but over time she had learned not to show it like now.

"Who is he?"

"Just my employer," Regan said nonchalantly.

"Does this employer have a name?"

"Nice try detective."

"What do you want Ms. McAlister?"

"To give you a message: If you so much as come after him he will end you permanently." Regan let out a little smirk, "but by the looks of things you'll no longer be a thorn in his side any longer so I guess his problems are over."

If the words affected Beckett, she didn't show it.

"And your problems are just beginning sweetheart. We've matched the ballistics and the finger prints to the gun you used and the knife the special ops grip knife that was found at your loft to you. What happened, Sasha Lynn and her team getting too close so you decided to kill them?"

"I was just doing what I was told, following orders."

"So assassinating, those were your orders? Couldn't follow the law so you made your own way or did someone like your rap sheet that you became a gun for hire is that it?" Beckett closed the folder. "It doesn't matter you're going away for a very long time."

Regan laughed, "Honey you think I'm worried? My employer will get me out before you can even file the paperwork."

"This is all one big game to you isn't it?" Beckett stood, "you think your employer cares about you? Let me let you in on a little secret…honey. Your boss has been hiring people to do his dirty work for years. You're just a pawn to him like the others who have died for his cause before. You're nothing. He would rather have you convicted or dead than get caught."

For the first time since the interrogation Beckett saw the woman start to crack. She wasn't the snarky assassin that had a tough exterior that she came across to be. For once she felt betrayed. Beckett could see in her eyes that McAlister's world was starting to unravel.

Beckett let out a small smile. "We know there was a second shooter and when we find him and I promise we will find him, his ass will be mine."


	8. Unified Theory

**Chapter 7.) Unified Theory**

* * *

Beckett hesitated as she waited in the driver seat of her car. She knew that he was waiting inside at their usual spot. Beckett had not seen her father since the week after Castle's funeral which had been nearly four months ago.

She had been so busy with work, having since caught both killers from Lynn and Benko cases. Ryan and Esposito were taking on the killer from the Benko case as she now sat in her car.

She knew there was nothing to be embarrassed about but as she looked down, despite now in her fifteenth week of pregnancy there could be no more hiding, or at least trying to. And she didn't want to wait until after the babies were born to talk to her father. It was a normal human process and one that any father would most likely be proud of. Still, this was territory that she and her father had never really ventured into before. Jim Beckett had always been a descent dad when it came to the girl stuff but after her mother's death when she was 19, she had been pretty much grown up and the two never really felt the need to discuss a woman's world especially when she was more focused on her job and not so much on boys despite the boyfriends she did have throughout her life.

Beckett looked down at her pregnant belly and rubbed her hand over it, her coat covering most of it.

She took a deep breath and said, "Okay you two, time to go meet your grandpa."

Beckett got out of the car and made her way inside the diner.

Inside Jim Beckett waited and then smiled as he saw his daughter approach. Beckett bit her lip and smiled.

"Katie," he said to her.

"Hey dad," she answered.

She was hesitant to hug him but she knew it would seem off if she didn't so as she did Jim lifted an eyebrow and then looked down at what was blocking the two of them from fully embracing.

"Surprise," she said slightly smiling.

Now that the initial discomfort was over Beckett took off the coat she was wearing revealing her changed shape.

"Would you look at you," said Jim with the hugest smile on his face. "So I'm going to be a grandpa?" Beckett nodded. "You look beautiful honey."

"Thanks dad," she said, the both of them taking their seat. "I wanted to tell you sooner, I've just been busy with Castle's case and everything else that I-,"

"Katie, you don't have to explain anything to me. I'm just glad you're here now."

"Me too," said Kate.

"So how far along are you?"

"Fifteen weeks."

"And it's Rick's?"

Beckett shook her head and laughed, "Dad of course it's Rick's."

"That's good, I'm glad. He would have made an excellent father."

Images of seeing Castle with Alexis surfaced in her mind. She let out a small smile, "I know he would have."

"I don't remember seeing your mother that pregnant with you at fifteen weeks but then I'm a man so what do I know about that world?"

Beckett smiled, "She wasn't. I'm having twins' dad."

Jim's eyes widened, "Twins? Well I'll be damned. Congratulations honey that's incredible." Jim took his daughter's hands. "And how are you doing Katie?"

Beckett knew what her father was asking. She looked at their entwined hands. "Some days are better than others." She then looked up at him with a sadness in her eyes that Jim recognized from all those years ago. "I keep trying to focus on the pregnancy but it's hard sometimes. My mind keeps playing out all of these scenarios of how Castle would act, of how he would make this more fun despite my hormones being all over the place. In a weird way those scenarios kind of help though too, it's like he's still with me somehow."

Jim toyed with the wedding ring on Beckett's ring finger. "He is still with you Katie, same as your mom. Look, I probably can't relate to what you're going through, you probably need your mom for that, or I probably can't be there the way you need Rick to be but I am here, nothing will change that."

Beckett squeezed her father's hands. "Thanks dad." She smiled, deciding it was best to change the topic, "Want to see some pictures?"

"Sure you have some with you?"

Beckett released their hands and reached into the pocket of her coat where she pulled out two photos- the first was her very first sonogram when the twins were tiny and the second photo was from a week ago where they were between 3.2-4.1 inches long.

"Wow," Jim said looking at the photos, running his hand over his grandkids. He then looked up at his daughter. "Do you know if they're boys or girls yet?"

"Not yet and I don't think I want to know." Beckett smiled as she thought back, "Castle once told me that the world just doesn't have as many mysteries anymore yet people still reach for the unknown. I think this is one of those things. Sure it would be fun to know the sex of the twins but Castle's right, there aren't as many mysteries anymore and this is one that I'd like to remain in the dark about until they're born. It would make Castle happy."

Jim smiled, "Sounds good to me."

"I do have some names picked out though, names I haven't even shared with Martha and Alexis yet, not even anyone at the precinct."

"But I take it you want to tell me?"

Beckett smiled at her father.


	9. Bloom

_**Author's Note:** Sorry for the wait. RL has been up in arms lately so I haven't had time to upload a new chapter till now. Hoping to upload chapter 9 sometime this week and got chapter 10 in the writing stages._

* * *

**Chapter 8.) Bloom**

* * *

Detective Beckett sat at her desk grateful for the break. All three killers from their civil rights attorney murders had been caught and brought to justice but there were still some loose threads. They still had not caught her husband's killers and they still had not been able to catch Bracken who was somehow involved with all four murders.

As Beckett focused on her paperwork she was quickly distracted by a sharp pressure in her belly. She looked down in wonder as it happened again. She placed a hand on the spot where her twins had begun to move.

"Yo Beckett, you okay," Esposito asked as he registered the look on his partner's face.

"I think so," she said looking down as she felt the strange movement again. "It's the first time I've felt them kick," she said. Beckett then smiled, "Castle you should feel this."

But as she looked to his chair it was empty as it had been the past few months since his loss.

Ryan and Esposito both looked at each other and by the time they looked at Beckett she had realized her error. Tears began streaming down her face. Ryan and Esposito both looked at each other again unsure of what to do but it was Ryan who walked over and handed Beckett a tissue.

She dabbed her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said having no control over her tears, "You guys must be tired of seeing me this way: all emotional over my husband's death and emotional over the pregnancy."

"It is a bit weird," Esposito admitted jokingly.

"But I'm at least used to it," Ryan said with a smirk. Jenny was due in another month.

"Come on," Ryan said helping Beckett up, "Let's go to the break room."

"Everything okay out here," Gates asked near her door after seeing what was going on from her office.

"Fine sir," said Ryan, "Everything's under control."

Gates doubted that so she followed her three detectives to the room but before she went in Esposito stopped her.

He whispered, "She felt the babies kick and she wanted Castle to be the first one to feel them."

Gates nodded.

She took a seat on the end table in the room. "Detective, why don't you take the day?" Gates asked.

Ryan sat on Beckett's right side and was rubbing her back to sooth her.

Beckett shook her head, "I don't want to use up my days if I don't have to."

"Tell you what," said Gates, "I'll look and see if I can wrangle up a few more. You could really use it. Detective, is there anyone you can call?"

"I don't want to bother my dad for something like this and Martha is giving a guest lecture in one of Alexis's classes."

"I can give Lanie a call," said Esposito. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind and could get someone to cover."

Gates looked and nodded at Esposito so he excused himself to make the call.

* * *

"You don't have to do this you know," Beckett said as she sat in the front seat of Lanie's car.

"Girl you say that one more time I'm calling your mother-in-law or worse your dad."

"You wouldn't."

Lanie laughed, "Oh you know I would."

Beckett laughed knowing her best friend wasn't bluffing.

"Lanie, do you think you can take me somewhere?"

"Where did you think I was going?" She saw the look Beckett gave her. "Javi told me what happened when he called."

Beckett nodded not needing Lanie to explain further and not needing to explain herself.

* * *

When they pulled up to their destination Lanie helped her best friend out of the car.

"I have to do this alone," Beckett said.

Lanie nodded and smiled, "I know. Take as long as you need. Tell him 'hi' for me."

Beckett smiled as she made her trek along the headstones till she found the one she was looking for. She pulled out the chain that hung the rings. On it now hung her own wedding ring as it no longer fit her swollen fingers.

"I can't keep doing this," she said speaking to Castle as she fingered with only his ring, "but I can't stop either. Lanie says 'hi' by the way. You're probably hoping you don't become an obsession the way my mom did and you're probably right but this is a monumental time in our lives Castle, I'm sure you can understand that so I hope you won't fault me on the constant visits.

I felt the twins kick today Rick. First person I thought of was you." She wiped away some tears. "You should feel them, it's kind of weird from my end, feeling them move inside of me but amazing at the same time. I've seen the ultrasound, I've stepped up to maternity clothes, I have the growing stomach, but this is really the first time any of it has felt real.

I have a doctor's appointment in a couple of days. I'm told we'll be able to find out the sex of the babies but you told me about the mysteries in the world so this is going to be one of them but you probably all ready know don't you?"

She shook her head and looked up to the sky for a moment trying to clear both her head and push back her tears. She then brought her head back down to the stone. "I don't know how I'm supposed to do this Castle. I've never been a mother before. It's different with Alexis because she's a grown woman. I know nothing about raising a baby, let alone two. I don't know how to do this without you." She wiped at her tears. "I guess if anyone is good at this whole single mom thing, it's yours since she raised the greatest son in the world. I love you Castle, always but you know that too."

Beckett kissed her hand and placed it on the headstone making her leave.

Visiting Castle was exactly what she had needed. She would always feel his loss but coming here, talking to him, made the pain subside to an extent that was bearable. She knew he was with her and that was enough for now.


	10. The Cure for Pain

**Chapter 9.) The Cure for Pain**

* * *

At twenty-seven weeks Beckett was having a difficult time moving like she used to. At the precinct she had resigned herself to taking on a lighter workload which included sitting at her desk doing paperwork and interviewing the families, friends or co-workers from their weekly string of victims. She wasn't allowed in interrogations due to the stress it could cause her and the babies but she did often watch from the observation room and gave her input from time to time.

At the loft Beckett heard the persistent knocking.

"One second," Because called out as she made her way. 'Two more months not including this one' she thought to herself.

"Mom," Alexis said coming downstairs. "I was just coming to get the door you didn't need to get up."

"Your siblings weren't letting me sleep," Beckett replied, "And I needed to stretch my legs even though I can't see past my knees."

Alexis just smiled and shook her head as she beat Beckett to the door.

"Mom!"

"Surprise!" Meredith said in her ever perky tone.

She entered not having been invited in as she hugged her daughter.

"Meredith," Beckett said as surprised as her step-daughter. "What are you doing here?"

Meredith smiled, "Oh you know I was in town and I just had to drop in to see my Alexis and see my unborn nieces."

Meredith went over and placed a hand on Beckett's belly. This was the part of pregnancy that she didn't like: people invading her personal space and touching her without permission. She had let people touch her belly before but always on her terms. Figures Meredith would be the type to not ask first.

"Wow isn't this exciting," said Meredith.

"I thought I heard the cat drag in," Martha said coming downstairs.

Meredith smirked, "Hi to you too Martha."

Meredith led her daughter and Beckett, unwillingly, to the couch.

"Okay so tell me everything," she said getting straight into girl talk. "How far along, are they boys or girls, I'm really hoping for girls. When are they due? When is the baby shower? Oh and you have to start baby proofing. We can start with the office."

Beckett placed a hand on the top of the couch and leaned her head on it. "You know what don't worry about Castle's office," she said putting emphasis on her late husband's name. "I'll get that one."

"Oh of course," said Meredith feeling a little bad for being somewhat insensitive.

Martha interjected, "Alexis and I are more than capable of getting the rest."

"Oh I'm sure you are," added Meredith, "but I want to do anything I can to help. Just you wait Kate these two little ones will be here before you know it. Don't want to put everything off till the last minute."

Martha rolled her eyes, "Just exactly how long are you staying here?"

Martha waved her hands, "Just a few months."

"Months," Alexis, Beckett, and Martha all said at once.

"Well of course. You need all the help you can get. Oh what about the nursery?"

"All ready taken care of," said Alexis. "Detective Esposito has been helping with that, Ryan too when he can."

They had turned the spare bedroom into the nursery. Martha spared no expense, wanting the best for her grandbabies. So many mothers liked to make their twins the same but Martha and Beckett had agreed on letting the babies have separate identities so they went with a dark shade of wood furniture and crib for one and a lighter shade of wood for the other.

The walls with the dark color furniture were painted yellows with a light green border on top. The walls with the light furniture were painted a royal blue with white border. The colors though distinct from another made the room come together at the same time; separate but equal and matching. For Beckett there was a rocker as well as a lounging chair.

In Beckett's bedroom were a couple of basinets near what used to be Castle's side of the bed.

Before anyone could say anything more on the subject the women were saved by Beckett's cell. It was located on the kitchen counter. Beckett struggled to get up.

"I got it mom," said Alexis walking over. "Detective Beckett's phone," she answered. After she listened she handed the phone over to Beckett who now stood by her step-daughter. "It's Detective Ryan."

"Beckett," she answered. She listened and then a couple minutes said, "Give me twenty minutes I'll be right in."

Martha walked over to Beckett noticing the look on her face.

"Everything okay, Katherine?"

Beckett walked to the bedroom and Martha followed.

"There's been another murder, same MO as my previous victims- stab wounds and two gunshots to the head. It's too soon to speculate but Lanie is all ready thinking this particular case is related to Castle's. The same bullets were found and we've got footprints that are a possible match to the ones found at Castle's crime scene. I don't know how much I'll be able to do but-,"

Martha placed a comforting hand on Beckett's arm. "You're doing plenty Kate." She smiled. "Go."

* * *

Beckett could not wait for Meredith to leave. She had been here for two weeks and was planning to stay a month after the twins were born. Beckett looked over at Ryan as the two sat in the car.

"Kevin, not that I don't appreciate the ride home but shouldn't you have gone home to be with your wife and your son? You are supposed to be on paternity leave.

"It's fine Beckett, besides Jenny wanted some alone time. She says I was hovering."

Jenny had given birth to their son, Jon Seamus, a week ago.

"You're a new dad, I'm pretty sure that's allowed."

Kevin laughed, "Yeah probably." He glanced down at Beckett's belly and nodded, "What about you though? Less than two months to go. I'm sure you're getting excited."

Beckett placed her hands over her very, enlarged pregnant belly. With her right hand she rubbed the spot where she had been feeling them kick all day.

"I wish it were sooner. I feel like a hot air balloon."

"Please you look great. Pregnancy suits you."

"If I was skinny I'd kick your ass for saying that," she said jokingly.

* * *

When they arrived at the loft Ryan had helped her. He in particular had been acting strange since picking her up from the precinct.

It had been her last day of work having been put on her maternity leave early. She was supposed to be on bed rest here on end but given her cop nature that was nearly impossible.

When Beckett walked inside all of the lights were off. Ryan reached over to turn them on and as he did so a room full of women yelled out, "Surprise!"

The room was filled with all sorts of yellow and green decorations, neutral baby colors since no one knew if they were going to be boys or girls.

"Welcome to your baby shower Beckett," Ryan said with a smile. "Jenny wanted to be here but you know."

Beckett looked at her friend who had known about it the whole time.

"Okay," said Lanie going to Ryan, "You've done your job now out."

"Right," said Ryan, "No boys allowed I'm going." He placed a hand on Beckett's arm. "Have fun."

It was a small group of people that she cared about that consisted of her mother-in-law, step daughter, best friend, boss, Meredith and even Castle's ex-girlfriend Kara whom they had been on good terms with since Kara's wedding. She now had a daughter of her own, a four year old who was spending time with her dad since he didn't know how long his wife would be at the party and didn't want their daughter to get tired. He wanted Kara to enjoy herself. By the extreme of things Beckett knew the shower had been mainly Meredith's idea.

Beckett was not really a fan of being the center of attention. Even though baby showers were a common event, it made her uncomfortable especially when her friends and family began playing the pregnancy games, the main one being when they cut pieces of toilet paper to estimate the size of Beckett's belly.

Many of the gifts Beckett received were in colors of yellows and greens much like the theme of the loft. They ranged from diapers, blankets, baby monitor and breast pump and several other things to onezies with cop and writer themes along with the typical cute animals.

One of the onezie sets brought out tears when one of them said 'tiny tot police' and the other said, 'tiny tot writer.' The onezies themselves resembled bullet proof police vests down to the design of Velcro straps but without it being actual Velcro.

Though it saddened her she was grateful that Castle was still in the hearts of her family. Beckett had to admit that ever since she found out she was pregnant she often thought about what her children would be like. Beckett really hoped that they would have his blue eyes and his sense of humor, maybe evne his wild theories all of which she missed most.

"Mom," Alexis said placing a hand on Beckett's leg.

Beckett smiled and patted Alexis's hand with her left one.

"I'm fine, really."

"I'm sorry," said Lanie, "I thought they would be cute. I can return and exchange them if you want."

"Don't you dare," Beckett said; the onezies still in her lap. "They're perfect. Castle would love them."

Beckett had to hand it to her friends and family. She had actually enjoyed her baby shower more than she thought she would despite the cheesiness of it all.

* * *

A couple days later Beckett, Alexis, and Martha, while they appreciated Meredith's help they had managed to sway Meredith to not stay as long as she intended.

Meredith figured they were right. She wanted to spoil her nieces and she had all ready done the whole baby in diaper duty once, an event which Meredith, as much as she loved Alexis, would never do again.

She did ask that she be called if they should ever need anything and they made the empty promise that they would.


	11. When I'm Gone

**Chapter 10.) When I'm Gone**

* * *

_"So what do you think," Castle asked one night as the two sat up in bed._

_Beckett put her book aside and looked at her husband, "You're serious?"_

_"Are you kidding, next to proposing to you this is the most serious thing I'll ever do in my life."_

_"Kids?"_

_"Why not? Wouldn't you love a little girl with her mother's brains and my big blue eyes?"_

_"Mm, I'm thinking a boy with my looks and your rambunctious brains."_

_"What, one of me isn't enough," Castle said with a smile._

_"Beckett smiled, "Not in this lifetime."_

_"Okay then a boy could work too." He took her hand and looked at her deeply. "I love Alexis but one kid just isn't enough anymore. I want them with you."_

_"Okay," Beckett said with a smile._

_"Okay?"_

_"Yeah let's do it. I never pictured myself as a mother but it's different with you Castle."_

_"Okay then so we're really doing this, you want to have little Castle babies."_

_Beckett brought her hands up to her face. "Oh my god you did hear that."_

_"Of course I did." He smiled his irresistible smile. "See, I knew you always wanted me."_

_"Are you done flaunting your ego or are you ready to start practicing?" Beckett said with a coy smile._

_Castle raised an eyebrow and then turned his body to where he was on top of her._

_"I think we've practiced enough," he said, "Let's really start trying."_

_And so they did. Castle leaned down to her gently, his hands slowly moving up to where he could take Beckett's night shirt over her head. Beckett did the same. Castle then fingered his way downward to remove her shorts and underwear and Beckett made her way to his boxers._

* * *

Beckett woke up around 3:20 in the morning with a smile on her face. Though the memory had saddened her at the same time it was one she truly cherished. Not being able to go back to sleep, Beckett rose and made her way to Castle's office.

The entire loft had been completely baby proofed. She had less than two months to go so now all she could was wait for her children's arrival.

As Beckett messed with Castle's desk chair to get comfortable, she felt something touch her fingers beneath. She yanked it and in her hand was a key. She had seen the key before and knew what it went to. What she hadn't known was where Castle had hidden it.

* * *

_"Castle, what's the big deal," Beckett asked as she waited in the kitchen while he was in his office with the door closed._

_"A writer never shares his secrets."_

_"Not even to his muse?"_

_"Especially to his muse. Trust me," he said as he came out of the room._

_He walked behind her, taking her in his arms and placing a kiss on her cheek._

_"You'll thank me for this later."_

_He began to nibble on her throat and ear._

_Beckett laughed but then quieted herself. "Alexis and your mother are upstairs."_

_"Mother knows we're trying to give her another grandchild. And Alexis just has to deal with how sickly in love we still are."_

_"Maybe so but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't want us making a baby on the counter over breakfast."_

_"Well then Mrs. Katherine Houghton Beckett Castle," he said scooping her into his arms, "Guess we're just gonna have to take this party elsewhere."_

_Beckett laughed as Castle took her to their bedroom._

* * *

After finding the locked file box, Beckett brought the files to the desk. She hesitated knowing what they were: finished manuscripts. She knew Castle had been busy with his writing but to see three finished manuscripts was more than what she was expecting.

She opened the first one which was titled Hero's Storm. Beckett knew where the title 'Hero' had come from. One night she and Castle were discussing what Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook should be called. She and Castle had 'Caskett', Raley and Ochoa had 'Roach'. There was no official name so unofficially they called them 'Hero', the first two letters of Heat and the first two letters of Rook.

The dedication read:

_To the Unborn Hero with a father's unconditional love._

Tears streamed as Beckett read the dedication and then made her way to the acknowledgements. It was the usual thank you's and then she found hers.

_And of course I could not have written this without my beautiful wife, Detective Kate Beckett Castle who has proven that the third time was the charm and for making me into a second time dad._

Hero's Storm was shorter than the Derek Storm and Nikki Heat novels, fitting into the young adult novel category much like the Left Behind Kids series by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins.

The story followed fifteen year old Thomson (Tom) Rook, the son of Nikki Heat and Jameson Rook who was a school tutor and student but on his own time followed leads in regards to school scandals. He had both the curiosity of his father and the detective skills of his mother.

Once Becket was done with the story she moved onto the next one. It was titled Hero's Hope. It didn't relate to Thomson as Beckett quickly discovered in the dedication which read:

_To Daddy's New Little Angel, the real hero of the story._

The acknowledgement was also different:

_To Katherine Houghton Beckett Castle, who has filled my life since she said yes and for giving me a lovely daughter. I cherish you both so much._

This story followed Stana Rook who was the fifteen year old daughter of Heat and Rook. Unlike Thomson, Stana was a descent student but had her father's act for getting into trouble and that trouble often included going through her mother's case files and solving theories. Often times she would go through the old cases at the precinct and solve those.

Beckett's heart was filled with longing for her husband, and it was also filled with joy. The fact that Castle had taken the time, that them trying to have a baby had given him inspiration for two new stories, one for a boy, and one for a girl; she had wanted him to be here but now she was more than certain that not only would Castle's features be in their kids but that he would also be with them through the words in the pages.

Beckett turned to the final manuscript titled 'Forever Heat'.

The dedication was simple:

_To Mrs. Katherine Houghton Beckett Castle, Always._

The acknowledgement read: _To the woman I am privileged to go to work every day with and call my wife, Detective Kate Beckett, the North Star that continues to forever shine brightly in my 'verse._

The story too longer to read than the others. When she was finished she picked up the phone.

"Gina, this is Kate Beckett, Castle's wife. Sorry if it's early but I have some things you should see."


	12. About Today

**Chapter 11.) About Today**

* * *

"Katherine," Martha said as she made her way downstairs.

She saw that Beckett was in the office and when she found her daughter-in-law she was asleep at the desk.

Beckett stirred awake at the sound of the footsteps.

"Morning," she said t Martha.

"Morning. Have you been here all night," she asked sounding concerned.

"Just about," replied Beckett. "I couldn't sleep so I thought coming in here would help."

Martha brought a chair over and sat next to Beckett. "And did it?"

Beckett gathered herself and the files.

"It did. I found three of Rick's unpublished manuscripts. It's the final Nikki Heat novel. He also wrote two children's ones. He didn't know I was pregnant when he died but we were trying so I know that's what gave him the inspiration to write. I just didn't know what he was working on. He wrote one in case we had a girl and one in case we had a boy."

Beckett folded her hands on her belly and gently rubbed it. She was lost in her memories again and of wishing she hadn't waited to tell Castle she was pregnant.

"What are you going to do, about the manuscripts I mean?"

"I've all ready called Gina. She's going to come by and pick them up later and she's all ready decided to publish them regardless of what the publishing company says. It's her way of honoring Castle."

"Have you read them?"

Beckett nodded and smiled. "I can just picture Castle reading the stories to the twins, whispering to my stomach as he embellishes them and making it exciting and then reading the story to them as they grow up." Beckett wiped away a tear. "It often bothers me that Castle and I are missing out on those joys of the pregnancy and what we'll miss out on afterwards."

"I know. I've often thought about it too."

It suddenly dawned on Beckett that Martha's words had a double meaning.

Beckett leaned forward as close as her belly would let her near the desk.

"Martha, I am so sorry. I sometimes forget you went through the same thing."

Martha waved a hand, "Water long under the bridge."

"Maybe so but it must have been difficult not being able to share the experiences with Castle's father, having to raise him alone."

"Oh of course," said Martha, "I did wonder about him, Jackson, from time to time but I knew he must have had his reasons for not sticking around. He was off gallivanting and saving the world, at least that was the story I told myself even before Richard told me the truth a year ago. I wouldn't have traded that night we spent together for anything nor would I trade the experience of being a mother."

Martha placed her hands on top of Beckett's which were still on her belly. "It will be different for you Katherine. You have three families who love and support you and who want to help. I know you feel alone in this and you want more than anything to have Richard with you. I wanted that from Jackson too but cherish what he left behind. He left apart of himself with you and not just one but two miracles who I'm sure will be wonderful human beings."

Beckett didn't bother to wipe away her tears as she smiled at her mother-in-law.

"Thank you Martha."

* * *

Half an hour later with both women dressed there was a knock on the front door.

Beckett was the one to answer.

"Ryan, Esposito," she said as a question. "What are you guys doing here?

Kevin looked a bit concerned. "I didn't want to bother you but Javi was insistent and he would have come either way.

Beckett let the boys in. "Insistent on what?"

"We got him," Esposito said with a huge smile on his face. "We got the son of a bitch. There is no way he'll be able to hide this time."

Beckett's face sank. "Bracken. How?"

"The guy slipped up," said Esposito. "Ballistics matched his finger prints on the gun and shell casings at Castle's crime scene to a one that we found planted at his in-law's for safe keeping down in Hoboken."

"Show prints were also a match," added Ryan.

Beckett placed her hands on her hips. "And where is he now?"

He'll be scheduling a press conference in two hours at St. Vincent's children's hospital but right now he's holding a meeting at a high rise at InterContinental."

"Then let's go pick him up," said Beckett.

"Woah."

"Kate."

Ryan and Martha said in unison.

Beckett knew this was dangerous, she wasn't fooling herself. What like-minded woman who was eight months pregnant would risk her life and that of her unborn child to make an arrest that other cops could do for her? That was the reason she had to do it.

"I've waited ten years for this. I'm not going to let someone else make an arrest that should be mine." She looked at her brothers and mother-in-law. "Please, I owe it to my mom and to Castle to finish this."

They all nodded knowing how much it meant to her and also knew that they couldn't talk her out of it. The only person that usually could was Castle and he was gone.

"Then you'll need these," Esposito said handing Beckett her shield, gun, and cuffs.

"Please be careful," said Martha.

Beckett nodded and the three made their leave.

* * *

"Detective Beckett," she said showing her badge to a security guard outside of the conference room where Bracken was holding his meeting. She noticed the guard look her over. "What you got a problem with a pregnant cop?"

"No ma'am," he said looking directly at her instead of her over bulging stomach. "Sorry.

"We're here to see Senator Bracken."

"Not unless you've got an appointment.

Beckett took a step closer. "You married?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Got kids?"

"Three boys."

"Then you know how frustrating it can be to be around a pregnant woman. See this badge, now see this stomach? Trust me buddy you don't want to piss off this cop especially one who is pregnant. Got it?"

Behind her Esposito and Ryan tried to contain their laughter.

"Now let me in to see Bracken," said Beckett.

The guard opened the door. The three detectives entered followed by two uniformed officers, all of their guns at the ready.

"Karl," Bracken said to his security. "This is a private meeting."

"Not anymore it's not," said Beckett.

"Detective Beckett," Bracken said standing up. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"Drop the act Senator, it's over."

"If you mean this meeting then yes it is. You all are free to leave.

"I'm not going anywhere," said Beckett. "We know you killed my husband, Richard Castle. My kids will grow up without their father because of you! So tell me why did he have to die and you get to live?"

Bracken noticed some of the looks the people in the seats were giving him but he kept his composure and kept his eyes on Beckett.

"You're pregnant detective. All this stress can't be good for the baby."

"You don't get to talk about my children! What was Castle, collateral damage? A way to get to me? Are you that determined of destroying me that you're willing to kill everyone I care about? We had a deal."

"You're hormonal. I'm sorry Mr. Castle died but I had nothing to with that."

"Right like you had nothing to do with my mother's death? You're lying!" Beckett took a step closer. "You see you screwed up Senator. I have forensic evidence that puts you at the crime scene. You staged it so that it would look like one of your men pulled the trigger but it was you. We also found the gun and bullets with your finger prints at your father-in-law's house. Your ass is finally mine."

Beckett saw the look of defeat in Bracken's eyes knowing she had him. She hoisted her gun and reached in her back pocket for her cuffs then walked behind Bracken.

"Senator William Bracken, you are under arrest for the facilitated murder of Johanna Beckett and for the murder of Richard Castle. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you."

"I will beat this you know."

"I wouldn't count on it. Let's go."

* * *

Not long after Beckett placed Senator Bracken in the squad car she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen. She felt it earlier but had dismissed it to get the job done. The pain this time was stronger and she closed her eyes as she winced.

"Yo Beckett, you okay?" Esposito asked noticing the look of pain across her face.

Before Beckett could even answer she looked down. Dark spots of amniotic fluid were flowing down her pant legs.

"I think my water just broke," said Beckett.

Ryan was quickly by her side. "Javi go get the car, now!" With Javi gone Ryan looked at Beckett, "Today's turning out to be a lucky day for you."

Beckett smiled, "Yeah."

Javi had the bubble gum on top of the car. He arrived quickly and helped Ryan get Beckett into the backseat of the care. They then sped off to the hospital.


	13. Lightning Crashes

_Author's Note: Okay this chapter was extremely difficult to write. Mainly because I have no experience with pregnancy and that world so a lot of it was having to do some research that made me very uncomfortable but I think this may personally be my favorite chapter from the entire story._

* * *

**Chapter 12.) Lightning Crashes**

* * *

Detective Beckett suffered through eight and a half grueling hours of labor. Though her water had broken around four in the afternoon after arresting Senator Bracken by the time she had gotten to the hospital she was only three centimeters dilated and had another seven to go before the real work could begin. The contractions were painful and it was those times that made her want to push even though she couldn't.

Ryan and Esposito had stayed with her for the first hour but she had begged them to go back to work. They were the only team she truly trusted despite the house being filled with other detectives who could cover for them. Bracken may have been in custody but there were always others who were still out there.

They did as she asked but only after they had called Martha and Jim. They would call Alexis when the time got closer but Ryan and Esposito at least wanted Beckett to have her parents with her. It was only after her family's arrival did they leave.

Despite being tired all ready Beckett had read the books and been given the information so rather than stay in bed the full time she made use of it by walking around to let gravity help with some of the work as painful as it was.

The walking didn't help much.

Martha only smiled as she rubbed her daughter-in-law's back. "Don't worry they'll come when they're ready."

* * *

By the fifth hour, 9 PM, Beckett was dilated at seven centimeters. Not long to go now but it still seemed like forever since it had taken her five hours for her cervix to dilate just four extra centimeters.

Lying in bed Jim came up to his daughter, stroking her hair and taking hold of her hand. Martha had left to go get some coffee knowing it would be a long night.

"How you doing Katie?" he asked.

Beckett looked at her father with a smile. "Was it this long when mom had me?"

"Actually no, hers was pretty easy. She was only in labor for three hours."

Beckett leaned her head back on the pillow. "Lucky."

"But of course she wasn't having twins." Jim continued to stroke her hair. "I'm so proud of you, you know that?"

"Thanks dad."

Beckett turned her head sideways to prevent the tears from coming. Since going into labor all she could think of was Castle and now that the time was getting closer she wanted him to be here more than anything. He should get to be here to experience this: to help her through the contractions, offer her words of comfort, watch as their children came from her, cut the umbilical cords, all of that but he wasn't here and that pain was more than the contractions could ever be.

Jim didn't need his daughter to say the words. "I know sweetie. I know," was all he said and Beckett too knew what he was inferring.

* * *

"How is she," Alexis asked coming up to her grams.

Martha was standing at a coffee stand near the waiting room.

Martha smiled at her granddaughter. "She's a tough one that step-mom of yours."

"I bet she wishes dad were here though doesn't she?"

"Oh more than anything," Martha said hugging her granddaughter from the side. "You don't have to stay here you know. She's still got a ways to go."

"Maybe so but I want to be here. Would it be okay if I go see her?"

Martha smiled. "I think she's like that."

Alexis smiled too and Martha showed her to Beckett's room.

* * *

"Hey look who's here," Jim said as Alexis and Martha came into the room.

Alexis smiled as she and Jim embraced, "Hey Grandpa Jim."

She then went to Beckett's left side. "Hi mom, how are you holding up?"

Beckett brought herself to a better sitting position, "Other than the occasional contractions, not so bad. I'm anxious for these two to make their appearance all ready."

Alexis smiled, "Me too."

"So what are you hoping for Alexis, brothers or sisters?"

"Definitely brothers," she answered. "I think it would be fun to have some boys around for a change."

Beckett smiled, "I was thinking the same thing too and what about Castle, would he have wanted boys or girls?"

"Honestly I don't know. I know dad loved being surrounded by his girls but I think it would have be good for him to have some testosterone in the house"

"I suppose you're right. I've always wanted to have a boy but there's something about Castle having a daughter that makes him more attractive." She then smiled at her step-daughter, "I think it's because of all the times I saw him with you. He did a great job raising you Alexis."

"Thanks. I know dad would have done a great job with the twins too. I wish he were here."

"So do I," replied Beckett.

* * *

By midnight Beckett was dilated the full ten centimeters. Outside in the waiting room Alexis waited with Esposito and Lanie. Ryan was at home with his wife and son.

In the room with Beckett were her father and mother-in-law. Beckett was holding back her screams from the intense contractions just as the doctor had come in.

"How are we doing mom," Dr. Erin Brouer asked.

She took up the seat in front of Beckett's legs and began to examine her.

"Can't you give her something for the pain," Jim asked hating to see his daughter this way.

"No pain killers," said Beckett.

Jim shook his head and let out a small laugh, "You always have to make things complicated don't you?"

"Okay Detective Beckett," said Dr. Brouer, "I need you to give me one big push you ready?"

Beckett nodded and pushed with all of her strength.

"Good momma, now stop."

Beckett leaned back all ready exhausted from that one bit of exertion. She was able to rest for a minute before her doctor had her pushing again and then stop.

"Okay the head is out," said Dr. Brouer, "Okay Kate now I need you to give me one final push okay?"

Beckett was exhausted unsure if she could do this. The fifteen hours of labor were bad enough but now the hardest part had come. An old memory suddenly came to the forefront of her mind.

_Beckett lay back in the bed exhausted, completely undressed with her husband by her side._

_"I think we got it this time," said Castle._

_Beckett smiled, "I think so."_

_Castle then saw a look of what could only be described as reserve on his wife's face. He took her hand._

_"We can do this you know," he said to her_

_Beckett placed her hand on her husband's chest as the two lay in bed one night, cuddling after having tried for several hours._

_"Castle as thrilled as I am to have your baby I don't even know the first thing about kids. It's different with Alexis because she's a grown woman. What if I screw it up or what if I can't bring a kid into this world? I mean do you know how exhausting and painful that would be?"_

_"Well I'd happily take it on if I could except I wasn't born with a uterus. God made you for that." He placed a kiss on top of her forehead. "And I'm glad he made you. I'll be there with you every step of the way: doctor's appointments, birthing classes and then when you do go into labor I'll be right by your side, coaching you, letting you grip my hand to the point where it feels like I no longer have circulation, telling you to push just once more and that you do have the strength to do it even if you don't think so. I'll tell you that you can do this because I know you can and I'll tell you that I love you because you know that I do and then when our baby is born I'll thank you for giving me one of the greatest gifts in life you could ever give me because you know it's true."_

_Beckett's eyes were closed as she heard Castle's words. She smiled, "Sounds good to me."_

"Okay Kate," said Dr. Brouer, "You've got to give me just one big push."

Beckett nodded not liking to be taken from her memory but knowing she still had a job to do. As she pushed and screamed out she called out Castle's name both as a force of habit and knowing that just saying his name out loud would give her strength.

In the back of her mind she could hear Castle whispering to her, _"You can do this Beckett. Just a little more. You can do this."_

"She's out," said Dr. Brouer as the entire room was filled with a loud wail. "You can relax now Detective."

Beckett lay back. "She?"

The nurses cleaned up the infant and after swaddling her in a blanket brought her over to her mother.

"Congratulations Detective, it's a girl."

Beckett held her daughter, "She's beautiful." Beckett moved the blanket slightly to see more of her daughter's face. "Hi Johanna, I'm your mom."

"Johanna," Martha said with a smile.

Jim smiled with a nod having been told his granddaughter's name when Beckett had told him she was pregnant.

"Johanna Nichole," said Beckett, "Joan for short."

"It suits her," said Martha.

Beckett suddenly felt a new wave of contractions. Beckett handed Joan off to the nurse.

"Looks like someone is ready for some attention," said Dr. Brouer as she re-took her place in front of Beckett's open legs. "Ready to start pushing," she asked as a rhetorical question, "Well it doesn't matter because someone else is waiting to meet you. Okay Detective here we go, push."

Beckett did so with what strength she had left. Again she called out for Castle; that alone was comfort to her and gave her a focal point with which to place her energy.

The doctor told her to stop and so she did for less than a minute. It was clear that her next child was on a time limit all her own and didn't want to come that far behind her sister.

"Another push Detective, you've got this."

Beckett again pushed, holding tightly onto her father and mother-in-law's hands.

"Okay relax, the head is out."

Beckett relaxed some and then she was told that it was the final push.

_"Almost there Beckett,"_ she could hear Castle say. _"You've got this babe, I'm right here with you. You can do this, just one more big push."_

Beckett's scream was louder than it had been as she used what force she could to expel the second baby from her body. She could feel that the child was out and the room was filled with another set of new cries.

"It's a boy," said Dr. Brauer.

"We have one of each," Martha said excitedly.

Beckett was leaning back on her bed with a huge smile on her face. She was tired as hell but happy. The nurse then brought the boy to his mother.

"Jamie," said Beckett touching his soft forehead as he continued to cry, "My little Jameson Alexander. Welcome to the world little guy."

* * *

About an hour later Jim and Martha came into the waiting room.

"How is she," Lanie was the first to ask.

"Are the babies out yet," asked Alexis.

"They are," said Jim. "Six and seven pounds respectively, both perfectly healthy and mom is doing great."

"Well don't leave us hanging," said Esposito, "Are they boys or girls?"

"Better," said Martha, "both, a girl and a boy."

The families both lit up over the excitement. After the excitement dialed down Alexis had asked if they could see them. Martha said it would be another hour so that Beckett could rest. She had all ready given them their first feeding and the babies were resting comfortably in Beckett's room. There were no complications whatsoever.

Esposito had been the one to make the call to Captain Gates and inform her on Beckett's situation.

* * *

That hour later, with Martha's help, Beckett had been cleaned up and sat in the bed with a twin on each arm, as her step daughter and friends came into the room. Ryan and Jenny had shown up, Jon being watched by his own mother-in-law.

Beckett looked down and smiled at her kids. "Hey you two, there's some people I'd like you to meet. Say hello to your sister, to your aunts and uncles."

"What are their names?" asked Alexis.

Beckett motioned to the one in her right arm, "This is Johanna Nichole. She was born first. And this little guy," she said motioning to her left arm, "Is Jameson Alexander."

The group smiled at Beckett's name choices.

"Joan, Jamie, say hi to Alexis, she's your big sister."

"Can I hold one of them," Alexis asked.

"Of course," replied Beckett. Alexis gently took Jamie. "You got him," she asked.

"Yeah."

"Make sure you support his head."

"I got it," Alexis whispered. She looked at her little brother. "He's so small. Hi Jamie," she said with a smile.

"Okay my turn," Lanie said not being able to hold her patience any longer.

Beckett laughed and let Lanie take Joan.

"You're even cuter than your mom."

"Gee thanks," said Beckett.

"Hey, you let me see baby pictures of you and Castle and then we'll talk. For now she's the most precious little thing in this world I've ever seen and considering all the dead bodies I'm surrounded by every day that means something."

Alexis looked over at Joan and then at Jamie. "They both kind of look like dad. They've got your hair and your eyes but they definitely have some of his facial features."

The room went a bit silent.

"We're sorry he couldn't be here Beckett," said Ryan.

Beckett thought back to the day she had nearly been thrown over a rooftop two years ago, when she had called out to Castle and it was his voice that she had heard back. She thought back to the labor when she had called out him and hearing his voice as clearly as she heard it back then.

Lanie handed back Joan to her mom. Beckett then touched her daughter's forehead and smiled. She then smiled at Jamie.

"He was here," she admitted. "I don't think I could have gotten through this without him."

Everyone in the room smiled. They would all be okay. Castle was gone but in a way he was still with them and he always would be. Though they couldn't see him nothing was ever gone completely. He was with them as long as they remembered and he was with them in Beckett's kids who her families would look after the rest of their lives.

* * *

About a week later Beckett pushed the stroller till she found the place she was looking for. She had all ready seen her mother and now this was the final stop.

Her wedding ring was back on her finger, she was grateful to have almost all of her original shape back.

"Hey Castle," she said to the grave marker, "Figured it was time for you three to meet." She picked up Joan who was riding in front. Jamie was asleep in the section behind his sister.

* * *

**~END~**


	14. Special Feature- Soundtrack

_Author's Note: Okay so if you're not aware, each of my chapters was the name of a song. I don't own the titles that were used but as I went about writing those were the songs that came into my head even if some of them don't make sense with the theme of what the chapter was about._

_As a little gift to you guys who have been following this story, as painful as it was, I have included the soundtrack here._

* * *

**Tracks 1-12.**

Learning to Breathe- Switchfoot

Wish You Were Here- Kate Voegele

Lie in the Sound- Trespassers William

Sad Beautiful Tragic- Taylor Swift

Black Flies- Ben Howard

Once- Bradley Caleb Kane

Unified Theory- The Cobalt Season

Bloom- The Paper Kites

The Cure for Pain- Coldplay

When I'm Gone- Joey + Rory

About Today- The National

Lightning Crashes- Live

**Bonus Tracks.**

How- Lisa Loeb

Cracks in the Sky- Bosshouse


End file.
